The Unfiltered Tale of a First Time Mom

First of all, parenting is hard. You have to experience it, to talk about it. Mood swings are through the roof on this journey. One moment you're elated, joyful, invincible and another, you want to tear your hair out. As for the latter, postpartum really helps with this one, but I will get into that.

The hardest part about being a parent is that you are constantly at it. "What is rest?"

As the days go by, something is bound to surprise you. You will learn so much about yourself and so much about being a parent.

I remember my Fiancé and I went to The University Hospital of the West Indies to register for a gynecologist, as we wanted to go private. Let me pause to say, best decision we ever made. Upon arrival, we were directed to where the sessions were. We were told the session lasts for 3 hours on the designated days starting at 8. We sat through a whole 3 hour session, only to find out we were at the wrong place. We were at the public clinic and not the private. After explaining to a nurse, she directed us to the right place and told us to hurry as it is only one day per week to register and the time was already up. We rushed to see if we could catch somebody and get some information. Luckily, the session was still going on and we were updated on all that we missed.

The visits were amazing. My Fiance was with me every single visit. Dr. Wynter was concerned about how much weight I would gain each visit. I ate so much during my pregnancy. He would tell my Fiance to cut me down, but hey, he was the one feeding me.

Hearing the baby's heartbeat for the first time was prodigious. We joked about how it sounded like a horse galloping. We, did frighten bad.

Ever since we found out we were expecting, my Fiance would call my tummy Tom*. Let's say Tom for now, can't give away the name if I am ever to have a son. He was adamant that we were having a boy. Everyone thought 'it must be a boy' because all the females on his side of family either have all boys or boys first. For months, Tom was in my tummy. When we went to do the ultrasound and the young lady asked what we were hoping for, my Fiance said, "boy me order, so a boy me a get." As for me, it didn't matter.

Safe to say, he wasn't disappointed when the lady said " Well Mr. Haynes, I don't see anything hanging in between there." Right there and then, we knew we had to come up with another name.

You will hear so many stories and other people's experiences of what they went through during their pregnancies, don't be frightened. It may or may not happen to you. My pregnancy journey was a bit smooth, except for the fact that I had morning sickness and the spitting trauma for the whole 9 months of expecting. It was awful.

My favourite things to eat were mangoes and KFC. I literally had KFC every chance I get. I would wake up and stare at the mango tree for any ripe mangoes. I would throw up as soon as I eat but that didn't stop me from taking another piece of chicken or getting another mango. A girl gotta eat! Morning sickness was of the devil. I had to eat packs of gums to prevent spitting. Only thing that can keep it down to he honest.

Again, not everybody experiences this. Don't be alarmed. some may tell you they never spat for the whole 9 months while others may spat just for the first 3.

Persons would tell me to be aware of the ugly parts of pregnancy, which included the swelling of the nose and feet. Thanks be to God, girl was blessed because I had none of that, except for the 9th month, my feet started to get a little bit swollen. No need to brag, but I carried my pregnancy well. Everybody's experience is different, I won't stop stressing this.

I wasn't scared, to say the least. I am not sure I know how to explain why I wasn't but my support system was good. We had no time to think 'what if?'

Labour and Delivery Story

It takes 9 months to bring a baby to full term but only days or even hours for labour and delivery. Labour is when the placenta and fetus leaves the uterus. This is what frightens mothers the most. You usually know when you're in labour as you are generally warned about the contractions you will have.

The day before, I followed my Fiance and one of our good friends to the garage. Yes, with my big belly. The mechanic sent us to get an item from Sheldon's Auto Parts. I became hungry instantly. I felt for a box of Prestige donut. I honestly thought the box of donuts was for me. I didn't know I had to share. By the time they want one, I had already finished the box. I told you I was an eater.

We carried out our business, until I got home some minutes to 6 that same evening and had the sudden urge to use the bathroom. This was continuous til the next morning. I kept waking up in some serious pain because I wanted to use the bathroom. I curse out the donut man because he gave me diarrhea. Little did I know. I was in labour and didn't even know. The last time I went to the bathroom, I saw the signs. I already had my hospital bag packed so it was just to rush out.

I was in pain. It was somewhat bearable. It felt like period pains. If you have severe pains during your period, then you know what it feels like.

My Fiance hit every damn pothole he could find en route to the hospital. I was mad, but in pain. When I got to the hospital, I had to take stairs. I was double mad. When I finally reached up those stairs, a nurse was already waiting to check me out. It took me literally 10 minutes upon arrival to get checked and delivered my baby. That's how close my contractions were. I didn't have to take any epidural and I got discharged the following day.

Again, this may not be your experience. I've heard the stories of how long labour took, the pain, etc. Thank God I didn't go through all that.

PostPartum

Postpartum is described as the time after child birth. Apparently, pregnancy was too good to me because postpartum held me down. I ended up back at the University Hospital three days after having baby with two swollen breasts. My Fiance had to be driving around at 3 a.m. in the morning to get formula for a days old baby because i just couldn't feed her. She had a hard time latching and my breasts just became sore and sore each day. Listen, imagine crying every time you are supposed to feed the baby? My mom would come over to bathe my breasts in warm water and comb it. They say it helps with bringing down the milk to the nipples. When we went to the hospital, the nurse started milking my breasts like cows. I bawled. It helped, somewhat. She assisted me in latching and how to position the baby. I became extremely good at it. If you knew me, I found joy in breastfeeding. I would whip my babies out and fed her anywhere.

Due to the constant swelling and milk build up, I had a lump in my right breast. The jamaican in me started to google and think all sorts of things. Of course, cancer was the number one thing on my mind. The lump wouldn't go away no matter how many warm baths i'll give it. A sore developed right at the lump. I was devastated. "I don't want cancer." "What is happening to me?"

My fiance and I decided to pay the doctor a visit the following morning. I was awaken by blood and purulence running through a small hole where the sore developed. I cried my eyes out. "What is this? I don't deserve this."

We made it to the doctor and we presented the issue. He said it was normal. Normal? What? "Most mothers go through this". What? Why aren't women warned about these things? Why don't they educate us?

It was drained and antibiotics prescribed.

We are warned about fussy babies, how to care for babies, etc. What about the things mothers go through when they leave the hospital? I now have a scar, to show my daughter, of what she put me through, when she decides she wants to get feisty.

Postpartum hair loss is also a thing. It's definitely real. My hair grew so much during my pregnancy and disappeared litle by little, starting with the edges. Eventually, I had to get a haircut. They always say when a woman cuts her hair, she's about to change her life. well, lets see.

Motherhood

Admittedly, some days i have it all together, some days, I am exhausted, but everyday, I am willing to push and ever so grateful that I have a very supportive partner. Motherhood teaches you how to redesign. It teaches you how to multitask. It is the ultimate roller coaster of joy and sorrow, love and hate, comfort and fear. You no longer have an identity. you're now "so and so mommy". You now make decisions for a tiny human. You have a whole being to nurture and care for. You now have to put someone before yourself. It comes naturally.

I hardly had sleepless nights. She was good to me in that department. We had a connection that was insurmountable. I capture every milestone. I take pictures everyday and capture every solitary thing. My phone don't miss a beat. I take her everywhere with me. She might not remember when she is older, but thats my best friend. We do everything together. We even take a poop together. I don't get bathrooms to myself anymore. Welcome to Motherhood.

Motherhood is making tough decisions. Decisions that may be temporary or permanent. Being a mother is actually different from our ideas about what a mother is or should be. It is a journey worth taking. You will get tested, but the love for your child can expand over any obstacle. Most days you will feel like your sole purpose is to just clean poop until tiny hands, warm hugs and sweet smiles leads you down a trench of your own emotional limits.

Motherhood is saying no countless times even when you want to say yes. Motherhood is watching them cry and trying every means to soothe, though you don't know what the hell is wrong. Motherhood is getting excited when they reach a milestone such as creeping or walking, to wishing they would stop pulling the things off the furniture.The latter is now my reality.

Motherhood is one to enjoy. It will induce newfound compassion. Be wrapped up in this journey. Give it your everything. It's a gift that will evolve us. We don't need to be perfect mothers, just good mothers.

Pregnancy and Motherhood may not be rewarding for some. Some struggle to find an identity after becoming mothers. Some of us, like myself, just accept.

Everyone's story is different. We all go through different phases. What may be challenging for you, was a walk in the park for others. Don't use someone else's experience to judge what your experience will be. Take it on for yourself.

What was your first pregnancy like? How was motherhood then and how is it now? Share your stories with me.